While smarter men than me may argue that this would qualify as an opinion, it is factually correct that Thanksgiving is the best holiday of the year. Friends, family, alcohol, football, and great food. In honor of this remarkable week, I felt compelled to compare the current NFL playoff teams to some of our favorite Thanksgiving day food and drinks.

Kansas City Chiefs: Turkey

This may be the most obvious pick in my own personal food draft, but come on. We know Turkey will always be there. It’s reliable, takes some unwarranted flack IMO, and it can even be a bit dry like Kermit the Quarterback. The Chiefs haven’t looked great, but they’re getting the job done and you know exactly what to expect.

Denver Broncos: Ham

Two proteins, two AFC West teams. I just don’t really understand why Ham is here, but also like…it’s pretty good? Ham’s got some juice to it for sure, and the same can be said about the Broncos and specifically their QB. This isn’t your same old Broncos from the past few years. A solid defense, but overall a boring and pretty bad team. This squad may not have a seat at every table and ultimately the playoffs, but if they are in the mix, watch out for the Ham.

Philadelphia Eagles: Green Bean Casserole 

With the obvious connection of the entire city of Philadelphia bleeding green, Green Bean Casserole can be dangerous and sexy when made right. If the person cooking up this could-be masterpiece goes off the rails and tries to be a hero, the entire thing could turn out like hot garbage. However, with the right direction, this dish has a chance to be really, really special.

Buffalo Bills: Mashed Potatoes

When I think of Buffalo come playoff time, it’s obvious to imagine their die-hard, insane fans in cold weather. Like the Turkey, the Mashed Potatoes and gravy should always be able to be relied on come Thursday. Throw in some Parmesan, maybe some chives, make it as unhealthy as humanly possible, and we have the Bills. Could they outshine the Turkey come dinner time? Of course they can! Will they? Now that’s an entirely different conversation. Maybe this is the year that the mashed go all the way.

Baltimore Ravens: Mac and Cheese

Another dish that has a ton of flair, but not a lot of defense. You see some delicious Mac and Cheese, you dive in head-first, you forget you can’t handle dairy, and you end up having a nightmare on the toilet for the majority of the night game. This is the Ravens. You may have a 3-time MVP after this year paired with one of the favorites for Offensive Player of the Year, but none of it really matters if you can’t stop anybody come playoff time. Hopefully for them, they take some Lactaid and live up to their potential.

Detroit Lions: Stuffing

Dan Campbell is stuffing. He has this Lions team epitomizing tough, hard-nosed, stuff the run down your throat, punch you in the mouth, any other cliche I can think of, football. While the Lions may not be used to being a true championship contender, they are as historical a franchise as this Thanksgiving dish. I don’t know many people who dislike stuffing, but I also don’t know if I can buy that it’s going to win the whole thing. It’s a consistent dish though, and will be able to dominate a plate if you’re not careful.

Atlanta Falcons: Sweet Potatoes

This is a somewhat befuddling dish. Are we using it as a simple side? Are we throwing some marshmallows on top and treating it as more of a dessert? Either way, it probably doesn’t really matter in the long run. It’s good that the sweet potatoes are there, and they are actually pretty solid, but let’s be real here, unless you whip up something absolutely remarkable and do the unthinkable, nobody is remembering the Sweet Potatoes after this year.

Minnesota Vikings: Pumpkin Bread

Now I may be a bit biased because my mother makes a phenomenal pumpkin bread, but it’s one of my favorite dishes on Thanksgiving. I don’t like the Vikings at all, but I guess the point is Pumpkin Bread can be sneaky good. Not a ton of your friends are probably talking about the Pumpkin Bread when you have those cool Thanksgiving recap conversations, but in my experience, it just keeps showing up and winning, albeit under the radar. Of course, there’s always a chance your QB can turn back into a pumpkin at any given moment.

Washington Commanders: Pecan Pie

An intriguing, flashy dish that looks nice at the beginning of the night. As the evening progresses and you shove your face with so much food that you’re having trouble breathing, the Pecan Pie looks less and less appealing as there are only so many more calories you can fit into your body. Are you taking the Pecan Pie over a chocolate chip cookie? A brownie? Some apple pie with a scoop of vanilla? It may be pretty on the surface but I just don’t think you’re ultimately getting there with Pecan Pie.

LA Chargers: Brussel Sprouts (with bacon)

Woahhh there, you’re new and kind of funky, aren’t you? You didn’t expect to necessarily get your classic Brussel Sprouts dressed up to a dish that might just be your favorite of the night. I don’t actually think it has enough to be the number one topic of the night, but it’s definitely in the conversation and has gotten the people a bit excited.

Seattle Seahawks: Cranberry Sauce

Another traditional dish that will always be there, but I’ll be damned if ONE single person talks about it. With some subpar turkey, the Cranberry Sauce can be vital for turning around a meal and adding a bit of a spark. These Seahawks are tough to figure out, and that makes them a little bit dangerous. Do I think they’re anything special? No, not at all. But like the Cranberry Sauce, if you catch any dish off its game, the cranberries can surprise and shine.

Houston Texans: Creamed Corn

A dish that’s kind of just there. It’s pretty decent we think, but maybe that’s just because you’re comparing it to broccoli and spinach. It’s also certainly not fully healthy (is corn a vegetable?). I can take it or leave it, at the end of the day it’s probably a first round exit for me.

Pittsburgh Steelers: Beer

When I think of the Steelers, I think of a nice hearty lager on a cold winter Sunday. It’s sometimes as tough to watch the Steelers offense as it is to take down a ton of brews given the amount of food ingested on this day. With that said, there’s going to be Beer on Thursday whether you like it or not. Maybe you went into the day thinking you’re going to eat a ton of food and you win the day one dimensionally by filling up on 7 Sam Adams. Maybe the Steelers D can do the same.

Green Bay Packers: Wine

Oh boy! Who knows what can happen once the vino starts flowing. It’s always exciting to get a little wine buzz going on Thanksgiving, and these Packers could certainly be exciting if nothing else. It’s not most people’s number 1 priority, maybe not even the best choice for Thanksgiving in its alcohol division, but you’ve seen your aunt drunk on Wine enough times to know that she can be an absolute weapon when given the opportunity,

Thanks for reading and enjoy the holiday!