Thanksgiving and football are as inseparable as mashed potatoes and gravy. One is about gorging yourself until you question your life choices, and the other is about watching athletes play a game while you sit motionless on the couch. In the spirit of combining these glorious traditions, let’s draft a Thanksgiving dinner lineup and transform our favorite holiday foods into an NFL team worthy of the big leagues. Because if the Detroit Lions can still play every Thanksgiving, surely stuffing can make a roster.

Quarterback: The Turkey

Every team needs a leader, and the turkey is the obvious choice for QB1. It’s the centerpiece of the meal, the dish everyone plans their strategy around. Sure, it’s not the flashiest pick, and when overcooked, it can be as disappointing as a quarterback throwing four interceptions. But when done right, the turkey delivers with the precision and confidence of a two-minute drill. Plus, it’s big enough to command the respect of every other dish on the table.

Running Back: Mashed Potatoes and Gravy

Mashed potatoes and gravy are the ultimate workhorse back. Smooth, reliable, and capable of navigating through tight spaces on your plate, they’re the ones you turn to when you need guaranteed yards (or flavor). The gravy acts like a great offensive line, opening pathways and elevating every play. They’re dependable and comforting but beware: overloading your plate can slow you down faster than a running back in their 30s.

Wide Receiver: Cranberry Sauce

Cranberry sauce is the wide receiver of this meal: bright, flashy, and sometimes misunderstood. It’s the dish that can make big plays when used properly, cutting through the heaviness of other foods with its tangy brilliance. Whether you prefer the sleek, canned variety (think DeAndre Hopkins) or the rugged, homemade version (more like Cooper Kupp), cranberry sauce knows how to get open and make the catch.

Tight End: Stuffing

Stuffing is the tight end—bulky, versatile, and capable of doing it all. It can block, go out for a pass, and occasionally shock you with an incredible play (like when there’s unexpected sausage or cranberries inside). Stuffing is the unsung hero of the lineup, often overlooked but absolutely vital to the team’s success. A bad stuffing, however, is like a tight end who can’t catch—it’s a wasted roster spot.

Offensive Line: Dinner Rolls

The unsung heroes of Thanksgiving, dinner rolls form the offensive line. They’re solid, dependable, and often overlooked until they’re not there. Rolls protect the rest of the meal, soaking up excess gravy and clearing space for the turkey and stuffing to shine. They may not get the glory, but every championship team—and every satisfying Thanksgiving meal—needs a strong offensive line.

Defense: Green Bean Casserole

Every great team needs a defense, and green bean casserole fits the bill. It’s a divisive dish, much like a defense that forces turnovers but also gives up big plays. When executed well, it can shut down the critics with its crispy onion topping and rich flavors. When it’s a soggy mess, though, it’s like a defense that gets run over for 300 yards—it leaves everyone questioning why it’s even on the field.

Kicker: Pumpkin Pie

Pumpkin pie is the kicker of this team. It’s not flashy, but it’s the one that seals the deal. A perfectly executed pie is like a game-winning field goal: sweet, satisfying, and the perfect way to cap off a great performance. Overdo it on the spices or undercook the crust, though, and you’ll miss the extra point that ties the meal together.

Coach: Grandma

No team is complete without a brilliant coach, and Grandma is the Bill Belichick of Thanksgiving. She knows every play in the book, from turkey roasting techniques to the perfect gravy-to-potato ratio. Grandma runs a tight ship and doesn’t tolerate nonsense, whether it’s store-bought pies or someone showing up late to dinner. She’s the mastermind behind the operation, making sure everything comes together flawlessly.

Special Teams: Sweet Potato Casserole

Sweet potato casserole is the trick play of Thanksgiving. It’s sweet, it’s savory, and it can surprise you with marshmallows on top, much like a gadget play that catches the defense off guard. It doesn’t get the spotlight like the turkey, but its unpredictability can turn the game in your favor. Just don’t burn the marshmallows—they’re the equivalent of a botched fake punt.

The Bench: Honorable Mentions

Mac and Cheese is the versatile rookie with loads of potential. Cornbread is the scrappy undrafted free agent who earns a roster spot. Brussels sprouts are the player you want to root for but secretly hope gets cut. Pecan pie is the backup kicker—solid but often overshadowed by the starter.

Conclusion: A Team for the Ages

Thanksgiving football is about more than the game—it’s about the food that fuels our fandom. This Thanksgiving dinner team has it all: the turkey calling the plays, mashed potatoes grinding out the yards, and pumpkin pie scoring the final points. Whether you’re a fan of tradition or like to mix things up, this lineup is built to dominate any holiday table. So grab a plate, settle in for the game, and remember: at least your Thanksgiving feast won’t fumble in the red zone. Probably.