Last September, millions of battle-scarred Jets fans watched in horror as the best hope they have had at Super Bowl glory in 50 years crumbled to the turf of Metlife Stadium four plays into the season. As Aaron Rodgers clutched an achilles tendon that had rolled up his calf like a piece of Big League Chew and looked helplessly to the sideline, the Gang Green faithful were collectively filled with a very familiar feeling – unrelenting dread. Perhaps no fanbase this side of Lake Erie has experienced the perpetual heartache that has befallen New York Jets fans season after season, year after year, for the past 5 decades. Clinging to a lone championship secured during the waning days of the Lyndon B. Johnson administration, Jets fans have yo-yoed between moments of hope and cataclysmic pain. Whether it was Chad Pennington’s noodle arm, Mark Sanchez’ interception addiction, Brett Favre’s unsolicited photos or Zach Wilson’s existence, every glimmer of sunshine that has broken through the garbage filled facade in East Rutherford, New Jersey has been quickly blotted out by some sort of unprecedented disaster.

So, as 38-year old Aaron Rodgers was helped off the field on September 11, 2023 in what was easily the second worst event to strike the tri-state area on that date, Jets fans were sick to their stomachs but clearly not surprised. They are the Jets after all. No amount of Hard Knocks montages or pre-game patriotic revelry could cover the stench of a franchise that has not savored the taste of championship champagne since before men walked on the moon. 

Fast forward 364 days later, the calendar has flipped to a new year and a sequel to world’s cruelest movie is poised to splash across the TV screens of the American populace for the first Monday Night Football Game of the 2024 NFL season. Another year of bitterness and cynicism and sub-.500 football in the books, Jets fans will once again put their misery on display for the world to see. In what can only be described as a sick joke, the NFL has decided to run it back and make sure that if the Jets season and NEW best chance at a 21st century Super Bowl comes crashing down, that they have the largest possible viewership to see it live. 

So who stands in the way of that elusive Jets glory (i.e. making it through 1 game without the season ending)? That would be the San Francisco 49ers, the girl at school who always seems to have a boyfriend but also gets an 830 on her SATs. The perfect combination of over and underachieving while simultaneously being impossible to root for unless your Dad likes them or or you’re from the Bay Area (which comes with its own set of problems).

The 49ers enter this season very similar to how they ended last season with pretty much the same cast of characters as top billing. Brock Purdy and the proverbial ugly duckling character arc rolls on with many looking for a regression to the mean in his sophomore campaign. Utility man Deebo Samuel returns to wreak havoc on defenses and Brandon Aiyuk is back in the fold after pretending to be in a contract dispute to avoid participating in training camp. Christian McCaffrey looks to build on the best season of his career and an undisputed RB1 campaign while avoiding what feels like an inevitable soft tissue injury. The Niners spent the offseason suring up their defensive front, signing the likes of Leonard Floyd and Maliek Collins to play alongside All-American boy Nick Bosa. San Francisco is looking to stave off the dreaded Super Bowl hangover (again) and come into this season desperately trying to prove they are the real deal and Kyle Shanahan is not, in fact, one of history’s greatest idiots. 

The Jets, in addition to retaining the services of 4x MVP and Vice-Presidential hopeful Aaron Rodgers, have added some firepower of their own. They tightened up one of the league’s worst offensive lines and added a big play wide receiver in Mike Williams. All-Pro corner Sauce Gardner is back to prove he is not a fluke and a recently re-signed Michael Carter II rounds out one of the NFL’s best secondaries. Fantasy football darling Breece Hall is positioned for a breakout season behind the rebuilt line and an upright Rodgers but, as always, much will depend on if God’s benevolent eye is shining on the green and white instead of [insert your favorite evil deity]. 

The Bet I Like the Most

Put simply, if you’re a tight end on an Aaron Rodgers led team – don’t expect the ball much. Put even more simply, if you’re Tyler Conklin, get ready to learn down field blocking, buddy. Nobody has been stingier with their TE’s than Aaron Rodgers over the course of his career even when he had the likes of Jermichael Finley, Martellus Bennett and Jimmy Graham as running mates in Green Bay – all players objectively better and more athletic than a 29-year old Conklin. Between the 3 of them, they averaged just a tick above 33 yards per game in a Rodger’s run offense. I don’t expect this trend to change much in what should be a dynamic offense right out of the gate. 

Give me Tyler Conklin under 28.5 receiving yards on Monday night.

A Prop for the (Somewhat) Pessimistic Jets Fan

The Jets need Aaron Rodgers to stay healthy. Coach Robert Saleh and GM Joe Douglas REALLY need Aaron Rodgers to stay healthy to stay employed. The Niners have one of the best pash rushes in the NFL including the aforementioned Leonard Floyd, the man responsible for the hit that ended Rodgers’ season last year. My guess is that the Jets just want to leave Levy Stadium with their season intact and won’t risk 40-50 dropbacks from their aging quarterback regardless of the score. I think they run the ball. I think they run the ball A LOT. Remember, these are the same geniuses that gave Breece Hall 37 carries in a meaningless Week 18 game against the Patriots last year. 

Give me Breece Hall over 15.5 rushing attempts and over 62.5 rushing yards