Ah, Star Wars: Outlaws—the latest attempt by a galaxy far, far away to make us fork over our hard-earned cash in exchange for… what exactly? A broken, half-baked adventure that somehow manages to disappoint even the most die-hard Ewok enthusiast. This game is proof that not everything with “Star Wars” slapped on the cover is destined for greatness. If you’re looking for an epic adventure filled with lightsaber duels, space battles, and thrilling chases, you might want to set your hyperspace coordinates elsewhere, because this game is getting blasted faster than a TIE fighter at the Battle of Endor.

1. A World (Barely) Alive

Let’s start with the world-building, or should I say, “world-fizzling.” Star Wars is known for its rich, expansive universes where every planet, every cantina, every rusted droid has a story. But in Outlaws, we get a world that feels as empty as Jar Jar Binks’ fan club. Ubisoft promised us a sprawling open-world adventure where we could live out our bounty-hunting fantasies, but instead, we’re stuck in a sandbox so small it makes Tatooine look like a cosmopolitan utopia.

Where’s the hustle and bustle of a galaxy teetering on the edge of rebellion? Where’s the intrigue, the colorful characters, the morally grey scoundrels that make the Star Wars universe so irresistible? The NPCs in Outlaws have all the personality of a malfunctioning protocol droid, wandering aimlessly with dialogue so wooden it would make a Wookiee cringe.

2. Gameplay: The Art of Doing Nothing

Now, let’s talk about gameplay. Oh, wait—what gameplay? Outlaws feels like it’s trying to take inspiration from every popular open-world game over the last decade but fails to deliver on any of them. You get a taste of stealth, a dash of combat, and a sprinkle of space travel, but none of these elements are remotely satisfying. The stealth mechanics are clunky at best—think trying to sneak past a Sith Lord in a neon jacket while shouting “I’m totally not here!”

And then there’s the combat. If you thought swinging a lightsaber or blasting a blaster would feel exhilarating, think again. Combat in Outlaws is as tedious as waiting in line for blue milk at Galaxy’s Edge. The controls are unresponsive, the AI is dumber than a drunk Jawa, and the difficulty spikes harder than Anakin’s temper at a Jedi Council meeting. Did we mention the enemies respawn faster than you can say “Han shot first”?

3. Storytelling: A Galaxy of Missed Opportunities

The story is where Outlaws could have redeemed itself. I mean, we’re talking about a universe filled with epic tales of heroism, betrayal, and redemption. How could they mess this up, right? Well, hold onto your banthas because they sure found a way. Instead of giving us a gripping narrative that expands the Star Wars mythos, Outlaws hands us a story that’s more filler than substance. It’s like watching a Star Wars holiday special but without the ironic charm or the hope that it will eventually end.

Our protagonist, Kay Vess, is your typical morally ambiguous smuggler with a heart of gold—or at least that’s what the developers want you to think. Unfortunately, she comes across more like a cardboard cutout of a character than a living, breathing part of the Star Wars universe. Her motivations are as clear as Hoth’s foggy weather, and her dialogue is about as sharp as a vibroblade dulled by too many credits in the budget for “cinematic” microtransactions.

4. Graphics and Bugs: A Match Made in the Mos Eisley Cantina

Oh, the graphics! The developers touted this game as a visual masterpiece, a love letter to the Star Wars aesthetic. But somewhere between concept and execution, the game must have gotten lost in the Dagobah swamp. Textures pop in and out like force ghosts, and lighting glitches make it look like you’re playing inside a malfunctioning holodeck. And then there are the bugs. So many bugs. It’s as if the game’s QA team was made up of Tusken Raiders, blasting away at issues blindly and hoping for the best.

Players have reported falling through the map, getting stuck in walls, and NPCs suddenly vanishing into the void as if they were in the Millennium Falcon’s malfunctioning hyperdrive. If you’ve ever wanted to experience what it’s like to be trapped in carbonite while your game freezes mid-cutscene, Outlaws has got you covered.

Conclusion: The Force is Weak with This One

Star Wars: Outlaws promised a new hope for gamers eager to explore the universe in all its chaotic, morally complex glory. Instead, we got a glitch-ridden, uninspired mess that feels more like a bad dream sequence on Dagobah than a genuine Star Wars adventure. If you’re looking for an open-world game that captures the spirit of rebellion, the thrill of the chase, and the allure of the dark side, you’d be better off sticking with any of the older Star Wars titles that have somehow managed to age better than this.

In the end, Outlaws isn’t just missing the mark—it’s missed the entire star system. So unless you’re a masochist or have an insatiable desire to see the Star Wars brand taken down a peg or two, you might want to skip this one. After all, the galaxy deserves better—and so do you.