Ladies, gentlemen, witches, and munchkins, gather ’round and click your sparkly red heels (wait, wrong story). The long-awaited, emerald-drenched spectacle known as Wicked is finally fluttering its green wings and flying into theaters. Yes, the musical that has been dangling the question “What if the Wicked Witch was just misunderstood?” for nearly two decades is ready to cast its spell on the silver screen. But before you get all gushy about gravity-defying duets and Glinda’s impossibly high-pitched “trills,” let’s chat about what we can expect—or, more likely, what we’re already bracing ourselves to criticize with sass and glee.

1. Two Parts, Double the Drama, Half the Patience

First things first: Did you hear that Wicked is going to be split into not one, but TWO movies? Because, obviously, Hollywood has decided that a two-and-a-half-hour Broadway show cannot possibly be contained in one mere cinematic experience. This isn’t Peter Jackson splitting The Hobbit for “creative reasons.” It’s more like they sniffed the cash trail and decided, “Hey, more screentime for flying monkeys and angst-ridden solos? SOLD.”

Of course, what that actually means for us, the audience, is that we’ll have to sit through the equivalent of an extended TikTok “part one… part two” situation, waiting a whole year to find out if Elphaba finally gets a broomstick sponsorship. Will we make it through without eye rolls, or is that too much to ask?

2. Casting Choices That Are… Choices

Now, let’s talk casting. Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba, the green-skinned protagonist with more issues than a soap opera, seems like a no-brainer, right? The woman can sing, act, and probably charm a flying monkey into singing a duet with her. But wait, they paired her with… Ariana Grande as Glinda? Yes, Grande’s got the vocal range and a ponytail that defies the laws of physics, but does she have the Glinda sparkle, the comedic timing, and the ability to pull off being perfectly, obnoxiously good?

So far, I’m imagining Glinda as a blend of “Thank U, Next” meets a hyperactive cheerleader who just snorted too much glitter. But maybe that’s exactly the vibe they’re going for. Cue the skepticism… and the popcorn.

3. Songs We Can’t Wait (or Can’t Stand) to Hear Again

Oh, you thought you were done hearing Defying Gravity because you removed it from your playlist ten years ago? Think again, because the upcoming movie is about to pound every note of that song back into your eardrums. Sure, we’ll all be humming along (badly) during the previews, pretending not to care while secretly practicing our dramatic hand gestures for “I’m flying high, defyyyyyyyyyying gravityyyyyyy!” But there’s a real risk here—turning this beloved anthem into just another overproduced Hollywood CGI “moment.”

Please, movie gods, don’t ruin this for us. Give us goosebumps, not eye twitches. The challenge has been issued.

4. The Politics of Oz

Back in the days of Broadway, Wicked was praised for giving us a deeper look at the politics and social issues of Oz. It wasn’t just about witches and wizards; it was a parable of discrimination, power dynamics, and propaganda. But will this movie adaptation stick the landing on social commentary, or will it get tangled in overblown visuals and studio meddling? The cinematic landscape is notorious for dumbing down its source material, so I’m setting my expectations to “mild disappointment” and hoping for a pleasant surprise.

Also, there’s the lurking possibility of Hollywood squeezing in a random subplot or shoehorning in a new villain. Just… please, no Wicked Witch of the Southwest. I’m begging here.

5. Visual Spectacle or CGI Overkill?

Speaking of spectacle, it’s inevitable that Wicked will be filled with CGI. The land of Oz is, after all, a fantastical place. But will it be too much? Let’s be real: we don’t want to feel like we’re watching a bad fever dream. Glittery skies, talking goats, and a yellow brick road that gives migraines—great! But if I wanted a computer-generated eyesore, I’d watch a ‘90s video game cutscene.

And can we all agree that if the flying monkeys aren’t terrifying, then the filmmakers have missed the mark? I need nightmare fuel, not Saturday-morning-cartoon fluff.

Final Thoughts? I’m Just Hoping for Some Actual Wickedness

At its heart, Wicked is about challenging our perceptions of “good” and “evil” and finding empathy in the most unexpected places. It’s a rich, multi-layered story wrapped up in sequins and theatrical pizzazz. Let’s hope this movie adaptation captures the spirit of the stage without selling its soul for box office bucks. Wicked has always been about taking risks, and Hollywood? Well, it loves safe bets.

So, get ready, folks. This could be the cinematic spell we’ve all been waiting for… or it could crash and burn faster than a winged monkey with a broken tail. Either way, I’ll be there with my broom, cackling away and waiting for the green curtain to rise (or fall).