Alright, everyone, get ready to bite down hard because Venom: The Last Dance is swinging into theaters, and it’s here to deliver all the thrills, chills, and gooey mess we never actually asked for. That’s right, Eddie Brock and his charmingly slobbering parasite are back for what Sony claims is the grand finale of the Venom saga. And honestly, you have to wonder—was this franchise so great that it even deserved a finale? Or are we just stretching out that last drop of symbiote to milk a few more dollars from the world’s most inexplicable fanbase? Either way, buckle up for another wacky journey into symbiotic chaos, questionable life choices, and an excess of CGI that’s likely to give your eyes a workout.

Venom and Eddie: The Odd Couple Nobody Wanted… But We Got Anyway

So here we are at the “last dance.” And no, we’re not talking about Dirty Dancing vibes here—though Eddie and Venom do share a disturbingly close bond. Let’s recap. In Venom (2018), Eddie Brock, a journalist who seems about as good at making smart decisions as a raccoon in a dumpster, gets “blessed” with an alien hitchhiker named Venom. Together, they fumbled through awkward banter, questionable life choices, and, of course, symbiotic snacks. The first movie left us scratching our heads but somehow managed to charm its way to box-office success. Then came Venom: Let There Be Carnage, a full-blown festival of chaos where Woody Harrelson was, honestly, the only person who seemed to know what kind of movie he was in.

But now, apparently, it’s time to close the curtains with Venom: The Last Dance. Eddie and Venom are back for one final, glorious romp, and we’re supposed to believe that this is the big send-off the franchise deserves. The reality? It’s more like a vaguely entertaining circus act that you can’t look away from, even as you question why you’re still watching.

The “Plot”—Or Whatever This Blob of CGI Chaos Is Supposed to Be

Sony’s been playing coy with the plot for The Last Dance, probably because even they aren’t sure what’s going on. But the gist of it, if you squint, seems to be that Eddie and Venom are facing their biggest challenge yet. I know, it sounds like every generic superhero movie ever. Except, in this case, Eddie’s biggest challenge could honestly just be finding a shirt that doesn’t look like he’s wrestled a wet dog while wearing it.

Rumor has it we might see some symbiote royalty thrown into the mix—because, of course, every chaotic franchise needs royalty. We’re talking about Toxin, Scream, or some other symbiotic spawn who’s just as gooey and angry as Venom. Will we get a Spider-Man cameo? Will Tom Hardy actually say more than 50 coherent words per scene? Will we ever stop seeing tongue-whipping and goo explosions every five minutes? The answer to all of these is probably a resounding no, but at this point, who cares?

Venom’s “Character Development”: The Only Arc Here is Circular

One of the most astonishing things about the Venom series is that they somehow managed to create two whole movies without any real character growth for Eddie or Venom. They’re basically the same dysfunctional duo they started as—Eddie’s still making bad choices, Venom’s still eating people (when he’s not eating Eddie’s dwindling supply of frozen tater tots), and their dynamic remains as questionable as ever. Sure, they’ve shared some heartfelt moments (if you can call them that), but calling it “development” is like calling junk food “cuisine.”

And here’s where The Last Dance really goes for the gold: they want us to believe there’s some emotional weight here. Like, suddenly, after years of spewing insults and slimy affirmations at each other, Eddie and Venom are going to reach a touching, climactic resolution. Spoiler alert: it’s a bromance, not Shakespeare. But if you enjoy watching two incredibly dysfunctional characters try to make sense of their co-dependent mess, then maybe this “last dance” will be the emotional rollercoaster you didn’t know you wanted.

A Spectacle of CGI and Unintentional Comedy

There’s no denying it: Venom: The Last Dance is going to be one heck of a spectacle. Sony has never shied away from ladling on the CGI, and with this being the grand finale, you can bet your left kidney that we’re in for even more of it. Expect more slobber, more explosions, and more symbiotic horror show visuals than your eyeballs probably asked for. But if you’re looking for Oscar-worthy VFX? Keep looking. This is the kind of CGI that was invented for 13-year-olds who want to see goo monsters slap each other while screaming in horror-delight. And honestly, that’s fine. It’s just that Sony seems to believe this is cinematic art.

As for comedy, The Last Dance probably didn’t intend to be a comedy, but Tom Hardy arguing with himself in a pile of viscous alien sludge is, at this point, inherently hilarious. There’s something delightful in watching an A-list actor commit 100% to a role that asks him to act against… well, himself in a completely absurd, sarcastic voice. Venom’s one-liners are back, as is Eddie’s perpetual sense of “Why me?” And you know what? If nothing else, it’s consistent.

Wrapping Up the “Legacy” of Venom

So here’s the question on everyone’s mind: will Venom: The Last Dance live up to the “legacy” of the first two movies? To that, I say, what legacy? This isn’t the Lord of the Rings trilogy; it’s a franchise built around a man and his parasite trying to figure out the best way to not get each other killed. And that’s okay! But let’s not pretend this is anything deeper than pure, unfiltered, campy chaos.

And when it comes to “the last dance,” I’d say it’s more like that awkward high school slow-dance you thought was romantic at the time but look back on with a cringe. Will Eddie and Venom ride off into the sunset, or will they just get into another gross, violent scrape in a dark alley somewhere? Probably the latter. Either way, if you’re in the mood for some mind-numbing fun, slimy shenanigans, and a few good laughs at Hollywood’s expense, Venom: The Last Dance is waiting for you with (symbiotic) arms wide open. Just remember to bring a raincoat.