It was all set up for the Eagles. With 1:46 left from the Falcon’s 10-yard line, Philadelphia was staring down the barrel of a 2-0 start and a firm grasp as the top team in the NFC East. All they had to do was run the ball, let the clock roll down, and kick a field goal to go up 6 points with just over a minute to go. But once again, Eagles coach Nick Sirianni felt compelled to show just how clever he is and drew up a pass play in the hopes of sealing the game. Instead of running another unstoppable Tush Push or anything else that made sense, they decided to send their $28 million running back, Saquon Barkley into the flat and toss a quick pass towards his outstretched hands. Barkley had gashed the Falcons defense all evening amassing 95 yards on 22 attempts before this pivotal play. Naturally, in true Philly sports fashion, the ball careened off Barkley’s mitts, halted the drive and, most importantly, stopped the clock. For all of Barkley’s dynamism and prowess, he has had a shocking number of drops in his short career. In fact, Barkley’s 16 drops is tops amongst RBs since 2021. 

As Jake Elliott’s chip shot field goal tumbled through the uprights and Jalen Hurts hung his perfectly coiffed head on the way back to the sideline, you could feel a sense of uneasiness in Lincoln Financial Field. It was uneasiness that hadn’t quite turned to full dread because, after all, they were facing Kirk Cousins. The man ironically referred to as “Primetime Kirk” was infamous for melting under pressure. Far more comfortable tucked into a 1pm Sunday slate, Cousins does not exactly strike fear into opposing fan bases when the lights are the brightest. 

Despite the dopey 3rd down call and the missed opportunities, the game did feel like it was over. The Falcon’s were 5.5 point dogs coming into Monday night and were coming off a lackluster loss to the offensively challenged Pittsburgh Steelers at home. Kirk Cousins looked shaky on his surgically repaired achilles and they wouldn’t be able to rely on running back Bijan Robinson to carry them down the field with 90 seconds left and no timeouts. But alas, never doubt the ability of the Eagles to mess things up. 

After the ensuing kickoff, the Falcons, no strangers to historic collapses of their own, had to move the ball 70 yards in just over a minute and a half to pull off what would be one of the most improbable wins in NFL history. How improbable? Some nerds coughed up a stat that said before the Barkley drop, the Eagles had a 98.75% chance of victory. Not sure how they come up with these numbers but I am all for making things up to be dramatic. 

The next 65 seconds played out like an expert butcher carving up a honey baked ham. No wasted movements. No hesitation. And, most importantly, no resistance – because the meat was tender and the pig was already dead. 

11 yard pass to Kyle Pitts. 21 yard throw to Darnell Mooney. 26 yard dish to Mooney again. 7 yard toss to Drake London. 

Now the Falcon’s were down to the Eagles 7 yard line in what felt like the blink of an eye. What the hell just happened? Defensive coordinator Vic Fangio apparently made the mistake of running the ol’ “Let em’ march down the whole goddamn field” formation, and while we’re at it, “don’t even think about getting pressure on the quarterback.” A bold strategy to be sure and one that led to the final killshot. Yet another pass to Drake London, this time for a touchdown. Cornerback Darius Slay was left searching for his jock strap on the goal line after being juked into oblivion on a simple out route. The Eagles had no chance. This pig was dead. 

After Drake London very understandably fired an imaginary machine gun into the Philly sky following his score, the referees did what referees love to do and threw a flag on the play just so they could get more time on television and ruin another great moment. This pushed the extra point attempt from the normal 33 yards to 48 yards. Would kicker Younghoe Koo miss and send the game into overtime? Not a chance. He drilled it and the Falcons took a 22-21 lead. 

Now the Falcons embarrassed the Eagles so completely and with such immense quickness that Philly actually had a chance to get within striking distance of a Jake Elliott game-winning field goal. Possessing one of the biggest legs in the NFL, it was not impossible to think that this game wasn’t quite over. But it was over. Because Jalen Hurts lacks the proverbial ‘clutch gene’ and Nick Sirianni is a loser. Because Philadelphia sold their soul to the devil when they built that Nick Foles statue and forfeited the right to be happy ever again. Because when it came down to crunch time, the Eagles turned to turkeys once again and Hurts threw an impossibly bad interception to Jesse Bates III under pressure and sealed the most embarrassing loss of the young NFL season. 

There is nothing quite like opening up social media to watch the avalanche of videos from sad Eagles fans as they drunkenly curse into their phones after a bad loss. I have never tried heroin but I can’t imagine it feels better than scrolling through a seemingly endless timeline of devastated middle aged men crying through their green face paint. 

On a national stage the Eagles showcased horrific coaching decisions, abysmal play calling and a complete no-show from their once vaunted pass rush. Kirk Cousins was pressured on just 2 of 14 dropbacks (14%) in the first half, the lowest rate he has faced in any half since Week 1 of 2023. Bryce Huff, who signed a three-year, $51 million deal with the Eagles this offseason has zero pressures through two games.

For now, the Eagles are trash and all feels right with the world.