Predicting what will happen each NFL season is a fool’s errand. Who am I to play God and determine who will hoist the Lombardi Trophy by season’s end? Putting money on an NFL future isn’t only a poor investment but a signal that you are a pretentious know-it-all who thinks they can predict the future based on simple data points and historical trends. With that being said, I have three picks for the upcoming season that I feel pretty good about. 

NFL Championship Winner – KC Chiefs (+550)

Usually when I take an NFL future, I look for more value than this, but Patrick Mahomes, Andy Reid, and the Kansas City Chiefs have proved they are inevitable. As a Bills fan who was in attendance for last year’s playoff game, where they once again snatched our souls from our bodies, I’ve experienced their excruciating joy-theft firsthand many times. There isn’t anyone who can save us from having to watch Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift announce their first pregnancy from the stage after the game as Mahomes holds up his third straight Super Bowl MVP trophy.

You might as well get in now because, with the additions they made to their offense that will allow them to attack deeper downfield, I’m already penciling them into the AFC Championship at a minimum.

Worst Season Record – New Orleans Saints (+2900)

Now, these odds are something I can get behind! I know there are some GARBAGE teams out there this season. The Patriots can hardly field a team, the Panthers traded away the first overall pick and several huge assets to draft a short quarterback, and the Vikings are getting pummeled by injuries before the season. But New Orleans might be the smelliest heap of trash in the bunch.

Their Head Coach, Dennis Allen, is the favorite in the First Coach Fired market. He didn’t earn his job through merit. Sean Payton left New Orleans for Denver, and they panic-hired the only guy in the building with any sort of experience. This salty curmudgeon has a 24-46 regular season record. And now he’s got an old, expensive roster quarterbacked by Derek Carr.

The good pieces on the roster may grow frustrated as Allen leads them to an 0-5 start, and once they give him the boot, you don’t know how this roster will get picked apart ahead of the trade deadline. But hey, Taysom Hill amiright?

Most Regular Season Receiving Yards – Davante Adams (+3900)

Take one look at this Raiders roster, and you’ll see there aren’t many things going in its favor. But Davante Adams still has the chops to put up a career-season. Just one season ago, Adams finished with 1,144 yards from a hodge-podge of Aidan O’Connell, Brian Hoyer, and Jimmy Garoppolo. Whatever you may think about Gardner Minshew taking over under center this season, he’s an upgrade compared to last year.

And if there’s no other show in town, Adams could feast on a schedule that features some soft defensive backfields. And if the Raiders truly bottom out, he could find himself catching balls on a different team later in the season. His odds right now are pricing him in the same wheelhouse as Keenan Allen, Zay Flowers, and Hollywood Brown. I still see him as a tier above those guys.