Both of these teams suck. Monday night is going to decide just how much they suck and for how long. The Bengals come into the first primetime doubleheader of the season winless, while the Commanders enter with an ostensibly more impressive 1-1 record. But there has been nothing impressive about the artists formerly known as the Washington Football Team/Redskins. They were utterly dominated by the Buccaneers in Week 1, with a garbage-time TD making it look less like a slaughter than it truly was. Then, in Week 2 against the abysmal New York Giants, they became the first team in NFL history to win a game where they scored zero touchdowns while allowing three to the opposing team—a true monument to mediocrity.

On the flip side, the Bengals lost to what is obviously a miserable New England Patriots squad in the season’s opening game. They registered just 224 total yards and were 4 of 11 on third down during the contest, spoiling countless survivor pools in the process. To be fair, they were without all-world receiver Jamar Chase, who missed all of training camp due to being embroiled in a contract dispute with the cheap-ass Bengals’ front office. They were also missing his counterpart Tee Higgins, leaving Joe Burrow with a skeleton crew of receivers to throw to and not much running game to speak of. They looked much more impressive in Week 2 despite losing to the world champion Chiefs on a walk-off field goal—but lose they did. Now winless through the first two weeks, their season hangs in the balance, with hopes of the playoffs already quite bleak. Since 1990, only 11% of teams that start 0-2 end up making the playoffs, and those numbers become even more troubling when the record turns to 0-3. Just four teams have ever pulled it off in the last 30 years.

In their way is rookie Jayden Daniels and his gigantic, gangly body. The reigning Heisman Trophy winner has had his issues adjusting to the NFL and has yet to throw a touchdown pass since turning pro. On the bright side, he also hasn’t thrown an interception while completing 75% of his passes. What makes Daniels so enticing—and a consensus top-5 pick—is his legs. He ran for a pair of scores in Week 1 and is averaging just a hair more than 65 yards on the ground through his first two starts. The Bengals will certainly have their hands full trying to keep him contained and will look to make him a pocket passer to avoid the soul-crushing scrambles that extend drives and wear down defenses.

So who do you bet on—the team that sucks, or the other team that sucks but maybe not as bad? While this question might stump most people, luckily I have the answer. The Bengals are laying 7 points at home against an inferior opponent in what is, all things considered, a must-win game. The linesmakers are begging you to take the Bengals. Washington can’t possibly keep this game within a touchdown, right? Right?? WRONG. This game will be disgusting and will likely come down to a late field goal. Take the points. Commanders +7 is the play.

A Bet for Bengals Fans

The Bengals are finally getting healthier and will have their two stud wide receivers on the field for the first time on Monday. Much of the defensive focus will be shifted their way as a result, leaving plenty of room for Magic Mike Gesicki to find the end zone.

A Bet for Commanders Fans

The Commanders haven’t done much right this year, but what they have looked halfway decent doing is running the football. Washington is averaging over 150 yards on the ground through the first two games, and Brian Robinson Jr. is accounting for more than half of that total. His O/U is set at a laughable 55.5 yards. Take the over and thank the handicapping gods because it won’t be that low for much longer.