NFL Toilet Seat: These Coaches Are Taking Dumps

We’re a month into the NFL season, and it’s already getting ugly for some teams — and their head coaches. Preseason dreams and expectations are already starting to wilt away and fans are getting pissed off.

Doug Pederson, Jacksonville Jaguars

Owner Shad Khan said this was the most talented roster in franchise history. So, where are the Ws? This supposed playoff contender is now 0-4, and will give them a slight break since they’ve played two of the league’s top teams in the Bills and Texans.

But Jax is still 0-4, and QB Trevor Lawrence isn’t coming close to living up to his 5-year, $275 million dollar contract. He’s completed only 53% of his passes for one measly touchdown, and he’s averaging 182 yards per game. That’s 1970s numbers.

This team seemed to be on the rise after their huge comeback playoff win over the Chargers two years ago, but they missed the postseason last year and prospects don’t look good for this season either.

Pederson and offensive coordinator Press Taylor were supposed to bring their ‘Philly Special’ magic to Jacksonville after leading the Eagles to the Super Bowl promised land over Tom Brady and the Patriots in 2018, but so far that magic has been a vanishing act.

Jonathan Gannon, Arizona Cardinals

What happened to the offense? The Cards have scored 27 points total in the past two weeks after putting up 69 in weeks 1 and 2. They’ve got Kyler Murray, James Conner and first-round draft pick Marvin Harrison Jr. That’s enough talent to be scoring more than they are.

Gannon was supposed to be one of the young, up and coming coaches, but he’s now 5-16 in Arizona while other NFC teams seem to be on the rise. He’s not getting a ton of help from Murray, who is now 29-39-1 in his sixth season. The football world is still waiting to see the greatness that Murray is supposed to be delivering weekly.

Mike McDaniel, Miami Dolphins

Yes, starting QB Tua Tagovailoa is out until Week 8 with a concussion, but there’s no real indication this team will really challenge the tough AFC this season. They’ve been blown out three straight games, their best player Tyreek Hill is throwing tantrums and Tua is productive but not really a big-game QB.

The Fins are terrible in cold weather, as has been well-documented, and have wilted after starting 8-3 and 9-3 under McDaniel. Plus, they’ve shown a penchant for getting blown out by some of the NFL’s best teams — Bills, 49ers, Ravens.

Kevin Stefanski, Cleveland Browns

The glow has worn off Stefanski’s 2023 Coach of the Year award. The Browns have lost to the Giants and Raiders, which could get anyone fired in this league. Although it’s hard to blame Stefanski a whole lot, considering he’s stuck with Deshaun Watson at quarterback.

Watson’s idiotic contract — $230 million fully guaranteed — means the team is forced to start him no matter how lousy he is. He’s thrown a whopping 4 TD passes this season and has been picked off three times. He is ranked 28th in passer rating. Nice contract, Brownies!


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